The holidays can be a trying time for many who have faced a cancer diagnosis or trauma in their lives. After chatting with our Fighting Pretty community in our monthly Fighting Pretty Conversations series, we developed several recommendations on how to navigate the holidays that will work for everyone:
Lesson 1: Reflect on what you have done and what to hope for
.December comes every single year and it's a time to look back on what you have gone through in the last 12 months and what you truly hope for in the new year. Our founder, Kara Frazier discussed that because her diagnosis was in December of 2008, she can't help but think about that time when Christmas felt like a scary and sad ending to the year, but that the year ahead wiould be full of fear. Then the following December helped her look back on all she went through and how she could start each new year with hope and optimism. Thanks to John Lennon and Yoko Ono for their Happy Xmas song, this lesson has been something Kara lives by year after year)
Lesson 2: The holidays are for all of us, weak and strong
After listening to Happy Xmas on repeat, Kara loves the verse: "And so this is Christmas (war is over)...For weak and for strong" so this is a lesson to embrace where you are in life and know there is hope around the corner!
Lesson 3: Create a boundary that creates peace for you vs. obligation
Many families gather on the holidays with big dinners, big expectations, lots of presents and added pressure. One of our community members, Valarie, has voiced her need for peace. Instead of attending her huge family get together, she splits up her time with her kids and grandkids to spend special and peaceful time with each of them!
Lesson 4: Honor your beliefs and celebrate with vodka and latkes!
Our friend Myra shared her love for honoring traditions and beliefs with her community and will be celebrating with a fun and festive party offering vodka and latkes! Sounds like fun to us... maybe a new Fighting Pretty holiday idea in our future!? Either way, we definitely recommend this!
Lesson 5: Keep with traditions that feel special
In our Fighting Pretty Conversation, we also heard from the community to keep with traditions that feel special. If it is gathering with your very large family because that's what you "have always done" can feel really special. Our very own Director of Outreach, Corinne, has reformatted their tradition of getting together by renting an Air-BNB so no one has to host the holiday and their entire family gets together in a big cabin, plays games, laughs, gets competitive but keeps the tradition of lighting candles for their Christmas Eve service and gathering together every holiday season.
Whatever is special to you and your family may work for you and not others. And that is just A-OK!
Lesson 6: Add a silly exchange to keep it “light”
For many families, there is so much pressure around the holidays. Bringing a new guest to dinner may cause questions. Getting prepared to answer all the "how are you doing and feeling?" questions after going through a year of treatments can get very overwhelming. So we recommend keeping the energy fun and light by potentially hosting a silly White Elephant gift exchange with a theme.
One year, Corinne's family had to purchase phone cases for other family members. Some were hilarious, embarrasing and downright silly! This year, their theme is to buy hats for one another. Corinne is very excited about this year's exchange as she has a very fun cupcake hat for her sister who loves to bake! This keeps the mood fun and light for the entire family and always recommend a fun holiday gift exchange!
Lesson 7: Go with the flow and be flexible on celebrating the holiday!
Once our founder, Kara moved out west away from her family, her holidays have looked different every year. For many years she has felt that she has missed out on continuing the tradition of having the same routine every year. But since meeting her husband, Ben who is a commercial airline pilot, she has embraced that her family holidays will always look a bit different. First, does Santa only have to come on Christmas? Or perhaps can he drop off gifts a bit early? If Ben is working on the holiday, sometimes it's best to just join him!
In 2023, Ben was assigned to fly to Puerta Vallarta in Mexico, so Kara hopped on the plane and joined him for a quick 24-hour trip until he had to fly to his next destination! It was certainly a trip they both will never forget!
Lesson 8: Dress up (with sparkles or in holiday costume)!
One way to surely up the ante for your holiday celebrations is to get dressed up in something that makes you feel fabulous! Whether it's a fun new dress, some bright red lipstick, or your favorite Christmas sweater or Mrs. Claus outfit - go for it!
The songs say "It's the Most Wonderful Time of Year" so you might as well dress the part! You know us at Fighting Pretty, we always say - if you need a pick me up, slap on that lipstick, get dressed and get out the door!
Lesson 9: Spread your Holiday Cheer!
There are some years where we just don't have anything to do. Maybe we live far from our family. Maybe we don't have a big family and everyone is off doing their own thing. Whatever your circumstance, you still have the ability to spread your holiday cheer if you want to.
Churches are always looking for volunteers to help with services, nursing homes always love visits and there are many other organizations that look for folks to support them in helping others. Even if you don't want to volunteer, why not just pop over to your neighbor's house with a bottle of wine or a box of cookies and spread some cheer? Surely it will feel great to spread love during the holiday season, so we say go for it!
Lesson 10: Make space for peace
During a time when peace is written in songs and peace is signified in the magic of the holiday season, it is actually quite hard to find peace when you may or may not have just had a cancer treatment or surgery, don't have a break from the regular holiday-to-do's, are up to your elbows in wrapping paper, forgot to buy that holiday gift for your sister-in-law (who's very picky!), are planning Christmas dinner and still need to figure out what you're going to wear to your mom's house for Christmas Eve when you're feeling fat. Does any of this sound familiar? We thought so.
It's ok to take the easy way out. It's ok to find peace. Buy the gift card. Make lasagna for dinner. And wear something comfortable and add big earrings and lipstick. Make space for peace in your life. Honey, you deserve it more than anyone!
Do you have any recommendations on how you cope through the holidays?
Share with us in the comments!